Recognizing Personal Growth

I know I am growing. How do I know this? Well first I am not the same selfish self-centered person I was. Far FromI have learned to Let Go. Letting Go has helped me to grow by not living in the past (especially dwelling in the past).  I have learned to put my faith and trust in a Higher Power and step into the UNKNOWN and the next Unknown, and the next and the next… It doesn’t mean I am not afraid it means I believe I will be all right no matter what comes into my life at any given moment. That is how I recognize that I am growing.Growth

I take risks that I never, ever would before. I feel OK when I hear something that is disturbing to me. An example of this is that I had a medical test done recently. A procedure that I do every year. Well, for the first time ever, it came back with some abnormalities. I know I am not who I used to be by the way I reacted. I was angry at first, then ok, then not ok, then, well you get it.  So I knew what I had to do – PRAY. I did and I felt better.  Set up the next test and I will see where I am after that. This is the FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN to me.

It is ok, I know it is because I am not alone and I have faith that it will be the way God intends it to be, good, bad or indifferent. It is in His hands and I will accept whatever is in the future for me.  It is all about Growth!! We go through these things…they are not tests that are imposed on us, it is just Life.  And, besides what makes me any better than anyone else that I may not have to go through some of Life’s curves.

Risking the known is to actually LET GO. I have to LET GO of what previous version of me, the one that has become too comfortable, allow myself to feel the fears and anxiety (lack of trust) that come up in letting go while moving into the unknown  leading me to grow.

Circumsatnces

I hope that this makes sense I am a little off tonight. But feeling much better as I share my day and thoughts, fears, anxieties and how I get through these feelings/emotions without drinking – One Day At A Time. I can not and will not make that an escape route for me ever again. Not an option any more. Thank you AA and God.
NIGHT PRAYER
God forgive me where I have been resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid today. Help me to not keep anything to myself but to discuss it all openly with another person – show me where I owe an apology and help me make it. Help me to be kind and loving to all people. Use me in the mainstream of life God. Remove worry, remorse or morbid (sick) reflections that I may be of usefulness to others. AMEN
(p. 86 BB)

LISTENING DEEPLY

August 5

How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 37

If I accept and act upon the advice of those who have made the program work for themselves, I have a chance to outgrow the limits of the past. Some problems will shrink to nothingness, while others may require patient, well-thought-out action. Listening deeply when others share can develop intuition in handling problems which arise unexpectedly. It is usually best for me to avoid impetuous action. Attending a meeting or calling a fellow A.A. member will usually reduce tension enough to bring relief to a desperate sufferer like me. Sharing problems at meetings with other alcoholics to whom I relate, or privately with my sponsor, can change aspects of the positions in which I find myself. Character defects are identified and I begin to see how they work against me. When I put my faith in the spiritual power of the program, when I trust others to teach me what I need to do to have a better life, I find that I can trust myself to do what is necessary.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1589-1593). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

I look back and think of what a mess I was…I finally at some point came to the conclusion that ok, I am going to give my life and my will over to the care of these people in AA. After all they had already been through most of what I had been through. ACCEPTANCE is the key!  I found this to be of comfort to FINALLY realize that I was not alone. The way I tought, the things I did and the things I said had all been done before me. How did I figure this out? By not drinking, going to meetings, sharing my story and LISTENING to other people and of course, remain willing.  If I was listening to someone and my head was bobbing up and down then I was relating to what someone was saying. Not the same thing as agreeing. I began to feel like I fit in somewhere and little by little began to feel a sense of purpose. My trust in people was beginning to show. If it was ‘suggested’ that I share early in a meeting, I did. The reason became apparent later. It was because if I shared early on then I wouldn’t be obsessing and thinking about what to say when it was my turn. That way I could LISTEN better. When I doubted (and there were times I did), not too much was the doubt that the people sharing with me were wrong…afterall they were smiling and happy. The doubt was the lack of trust in myself that I could do what was necessary to have a better life. I was taught to simply pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.” It worked and still works!

24  Hours A Day

AUGUST 5

A.A. Thought for the Day

We in A.A. are offering a spiritual programme. The fundamental basis of A.A. is belief in some Power greater than ourselves. This belief takes a man off the center of the universe and allows him to transfer his problems to some power outside of himself. He turns to this Power for the strength he needs to get sober and stay sober. He puts his drink problem in God’s hands and leaves it there. He stops trying to run his own life and seeks to let God run it for him. Do I do my best to give spiritual help?

Meditation for the Day

God is your healer and your strength. You do not have to ask Him to come to you. He is always with you in spirit. At your moment of need He is there to help you. Could you know God’s love and His desire to help you, you would know that He needs no pleading for help. Your need is God’s opportunity. You must learn to rely on God’s strength whenever you need it. Whenever you feel inadequate to any situation, you should realize that the feeling of inadequacy is disloyalty to God. Just say to yourself: I know that God is with me and will help me to think and say and do the right thing.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may never feel inadequate to any situation. I pray that I may be buoyed up by the feeling that God is with me.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 89). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

 

My thought….It was a relief to hand over my problems to someone else (my new found friends in AA), then later learning how to rely on a power outside of myself. I hope that I do my best to give spiritual help. I try to help others with guidance, reassurance and understanding and affirm them in their relationship with God or a Higher Power…their choice. I don’t preach rather I lead by example.

My Meditation….. I somehow knew that God was with me all the time…just had to learn that all over again. Having been through all the things now in my life up to where I am now, there is no doubt any more! He helps say and do the right thing all the time and when I decide to get in His way he reminds me by the way I feel, the way I react or the outcome of a situation that, “hey, you are not in control and remember how it use to be when you thought youwere?” and I remeber to start praying and get back on track. Thy will be done is a saying I use a lot today!

My Prayer… Some prayers I can analyze and others I can’t. I just say them knowing that they are good for me.