The moral inventory is a cool examination of the damages that occurred to us during life and a sincere effort to look at them in a true perspective. This has the effect of taking the ground glass out of us, the emotional substance that still cuts and inhibits. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 140
My Eighth Step list used to drag me into a whirlpool of resentment. After four years of sobriety, I was blocked by denial connected with an ongoing abusive relationship. The argument between fear and pride eased as the words of the Step moved from my head to my heart. For the first time in years I opened my box of paints and poured out an honest rage, an explosion of reds and blacks and yellows. As I looked at the drawing, tears of joy and relief flowed down my cheeks. In my disease, I had given up my art, a self-inflicted punishment far greater than any imposed from outside. In my recovery, I learned that the pain of my defects is the very substance God uses to cleanse my character and to set me free.
Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1633-1636). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.
My moral inventory was and still times can be difficult. As mentioned above the fear and pride were two huge reasons for this. In the beginning it was both fear and pride. I didn’t do anything to hurt or harm anyone. I was the victim. The pride was saying to me, “hey, don’t you know who I am? I could not have possibly hurt you or anyone…” Not true. Two things, remember this is a list and I had to become willing, I was not actually “doing” amends step yet.I had to become honest and look at myself with total abandon. I had done what I did and remember now too that if I did not become willing to make this list and become willing to carry out the process in future steps…everything I did up to this point was useless. I to this day remain willing when I still hurt or harm someone (yep, still happens) to become willing to make any wrongs right. The resentments from the list or any resentments will lead me back to a drink. Not where I ever want to go again!
24 HOURS A DAY
A.A. Thought for the Day
“While an alcoholic keeps strictly away from drink, he reacts to life much like other men. But the first drink sets the terrible cycle in motion. An alcoholic usually has no idea why he takes the first drink. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied, but in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. The truth is that at some point in their drinking they have passed into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of no avail.” Am I satisfied that I have passed my tolerance point for alcohol?
Meditation for the Day
He who made the ordered world out of chaos and set the stars in their courses and made each plant to know its season, He can bring peace and order out of your private chaos if you will let Him. God is watching over you too, to bless you and care for you. Out of the darkness He is leading you to light, out of unrest to rest, out of disorder to order, out of faults and failure to success. You belong to God and your affairs are His affairs and can be ordered by Him if you are willing.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may be led out of disorder into order. I pray that I may be led out of failure into success.
Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 91). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.
Everything in these posts may seem repetitive and the ARE. The reason is that I continue pretty much to do the same things over and over. It helps me to remain aware of all my character defects, and what to do when they rear their ugly selves.
My Thought…The very first thing I had to do if I was going to get ‘Weller” was to put down the drink…alcohol in any form or fashion. Any mood altering drug(s). When I did that I started reacting to life on life’s terms. Oh My Goodness. How was I to live? The fear, the anxiety, anger, all those emotions I had no control over any of them . Like, I had control over alcohol….I had no idea the first drink set everything into motion.. No idea why I took the first drink, setting up the obsession and compulsion. I had lots of excuses…it relaxed me, it made me smarter, more able to talk to people…well you know what? There is people who don’t drink and do all those things. I did get to a point in my drinking where I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. I just wanted to be happy…didn’t realize drinking was the problem. I was very satisfied when I finally passed that tolerance point for alcohol. It took time, it took putting down the drink – For Real – I had gome to AA for three years drinking…but finally stopped drinking. My tolerance occurred when I no longer responded to alcohol in the way that I initially responded. I took time, many meetings, many meetings and doing exactly what was suggested of me. Finally the burden to drink was lifted.
My Meditation…I found out by listening that if I meditated God could and would bring Serenity, Peace and Order to my chaos. If I LET Him. This particular meditation helped me remain willing knowing that God would restore my life, as He sees fit. I was and still am Willing in every sense.
My Prayer…I have been led out of disorder into order and failure into success. His order by having faith in this process and trusting in the flow. My success has been remaining sober A Day At A Time and being guided out of what doesn’t serve me, and into what does! Helping others!!