Hello, I have been gone for a little over a week now. I was enjoying the life that was given back to me through hard work. Not drinking, going to meeting after meeting, joining a group, getting a sponsor, going through the Steps of recovery one at a time in order with a sponsor. All these things have given me not only back my life, but a life beyond my wildest dreams. Never would I have imagined going to be with friends from forty years ago without having fear of “oh my gosh, what are they going to think about me…” and all those other emotional feelings that go along with fear of the unknown.
I have been able to continue to move forward and do all these things and more because I continue to grow and practice what I learned from day one. I practice the principles every day of my life today and hope to remain open, honest and willing…
Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 80
Willingness is a peculiar thing for me in that, over a period of time, it seems to come, first with awareness, but then with a feeling of discomfort, making me want to take some action. As I reflected on taking the Eighth Step, my willingness to make amends to others came as a desire for forgiveness, of others and myself. I felt forgiveness toward others after I became aware of my part in the difficulties of relationships. I wanted to feel the peace and serenity described in the Promises. From working the first seven Steps, I became aware of whom I had harmed and that I had been my own worst enemy. In order to restore my relationships with my fellow human beings, I knew I would have to change. I wanted to learn to live in harmony with myself and others so that I could also live in emotional freedom. The beginning of the end to my isolation—from my fellows and from God—came when I wrote my Eighth Step list.
Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1700-1704). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.
As mentioned above I was and sometimes often still work with “defective equipment. My thinking is not ‘right’. I turn mole holes into mountains. I hold onto resentments (not as long or as often any more). But having learned to become willing to pray, helping to turn over my will to God, I have been given the freedom to grow and move on. If I pray and let the bad ‘stuff’ out, there is room for the good now and my mind remains uncluttered with resentments and defective thinking. I wrote my Eighth Step list and kept hearing about the “Promises” that I was going to experience. I was beginning to have hope and feel the Promises of peace and serenity. “Are these extravagant promises, we think not….”PROMISES OF STEP NINE
I had to CHANGE, and I did and continue to adapt. I had to learn how to live a whole new life. In fact some of the people, places and things that I had been associated with I am no longer associated with. But the emotional freedom, that was and has been the most important part for me. It means I am free from feeling like a victim of and controlled by my emotions. I learned how manage my feelings and not react to them so they don’t control me. I learned how to take responsibility for not only my actions but how to take emotional responsibility, i.e., responsibility for my feelings. How? By once again, doing all that I learned from the people before me.
As you can tell by my writing, I am not a writer, nor do I remember proper grammar, or any of those things that make a good writer. I am a person, plain human being, that puts down on paper exactly how I feel. I tend to babble, and ramble…that’s who I am. I am an open book just like my life is an open book. Being self-centered I worry about what people think….Go figure…..
24 Hours A Day
A.A. Thought for the Day
“When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. When we see others solve their problems by simple reliance upon some Spirit of the universe, we have to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work, but the God-idea does. Deep down in every man, woman and child is the fundamental idea of God. Faith in a Power greater than ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.” Am I willing to rely on the Spirit of the universe?
Meditation for the Day
You should not dwell too much on the mistakes, faults and failures of the past. Be done with shame and remorse and contempt for yourself. With God’s help, develop a new self-respect. Unless you respect yourself, others will not respect you. You ran a race, you stumbled and fell, you have risen again and now you press on toward the goal of a better life. Do not stay to examine the spot where you fell, only feel sorry for the delay, the shortsightedness that prevented you from seeing the real goal sooner.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may not look back. I pray that I may keep picking myself up and making a fresh start each day.
Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 95). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.
MyThought…I stopped doubting God when I saw what was happening to people before me. They were happy, in spite sometimes of all the ‘stuff’ happening around them. They were smiling, and laughing. Helping each other, talking, sharing all the things that I was learning to do. They were all my Powers of Example. If it (FAITH) worked for them, then may be, just may be, it might work for me too. What did I have to lose! I became willing to rely on God, the Spirit of the universe or my Higher Power. It worked then, as time has gone by and today. Why wouldn’t I continue to rely on something, someone other than me….
My Meditation…What is done is done…can’t go back, so I do not dwell on my past. I have learned from it but I don’t live in it any more. So, be positive and keeping growing and moving forward.
My Prayer…simple prayer, simple direction! Start each day as a new day, learn from your past and move on…..