Another Day in Pictures

I am tired tonight so I am sharing my day in pictures tonight. Hard to express my emotions and feelings in words so I will just let you imagine through these awesome pictures of nature how I am feeling tonight. When I get in a ‘funky’ mood I just have to remember how blessed I am and be grateful and thankful that I am so lucky to have been given another day on this earth no matter how “”bad” or “hard” it seems….Thank you !!

Thank you God for giving me another day, another chance to become a better individual, another chance to give and experience love.

Whoops I Did It Again

Well, I Did It again. Which proves to me a few things. First, I am still human, I’m still progress not perfection, my “isms” are working on me and probably the most important – I am an alcoholic, albeit, recovered, my disease is the one and only real constant in my life. It sits there, sometimes does some pushups, but it grows stronger daily. So I must remain vigilant and stay stronger.

Thank goodness I can recognize my defects of character when they poo up. Sometimes that are subtle but lately not so much. Today was an example of that. My partner has been out of work for months. First hospital, then broken wrist, then needed to update her med card. She is a professional driver, needs a med card. Well ok, went for the required sleep study (uses a Cpap machine) and got results today. So now she has to go to Sleep Dr for consult and as to whether or not she will receive a med card for the year. She only has a couple years until retirement. It’s one thing after another….mind you I have my own personal issue I’m dealing with too….

To make the rest of the long story short, I lost it….my temper. Said some things. I reacted poorly. I wasn’t angry at her, but frustrated. I caught myself and removed myself from the situation. I was taught to always have a way out. So I went out of the house, still streaming,taking to myself (out loud) and grabbed my weeding tool and weeded my Amaryllis garden. Been talking about doing it for days but was also procrastinating. Well the garden for weeded, I prayed off and on through our the process and holy cow….it works. I knew it would!! Always has!! Finished the garden, went in chatted with partner, made my amends, went to the pool, came home, have my honey a card…got it yesterday and felt much better. Moving on…

It is truly amazing what tools AA has given me. Have to remember though, if I don’t pick them up and use them, then my I have to remember there are consequences…and more importantly…MISERY IS OPTIONAL!!!

Extremely blessed

This Too Shall Pass

Well that frustrating day I was going to write about today passed…imagine that!  I said my prayers last night.  Not only did I pray I took an honest inventory of myself (10th Step) and found out why I had been feeling the way I had been feeling…A few things popped into my head. First I was tired, I had been hanging out with my friends from New York at Disney World having a wonderful time. But I was tired and every little thing that was happening around was starting to ‘bother’ me. That is not supposed to happen at the ‘Most Happiest Place On Earth.”  I am here to tell you, it does.  Another thing was that finances were improving but, dang, not fast enough to suit me…well, again this is something as long as I am doing what I need to be doing will improve with time, not necessarily my time. And, there were a couple other little character defects I had finally recognized. So I did what I was taught to do…pray that the resentments be removed, and prayed to have those character defects removed, knowing full well that they will certainly rear their ugly heads again. I also prayed to have more patience. But I did what I was taught to do and this morning I woke up feeling much better.

Another thing that has been festering in the back of my mind is that in a week or so the snowbirds and northerners will be returning to our park. I am a Board of Director for our Homeowners Association, the President in fact.  I can not wait until February (I don’t like thinking like that, it is kind of wishing my life away), but, that is when my two-year term is up.  I got involved because I thought it would be a great way of helping, being useful, getting out of myself.  It is but it is also a thankless task.  People have been mean and less than grateful for my time and effort. Some have actually made my life miserable (I know, misery is optional). ShipsDontSinkPic

I have used the serenity prayer and just about every other prayer I could possibly think of in the past twenty months or so.  Thank goodness for AA and my Higher Power this year. 2018 has been a BEAR!! But as the saying goes…”This Too Shall Pass…”  I have lately trying to live in the day, that way I don’t get so crazy and forget my purpose…Just For Today!!

So I went to my Daily Reflections book and instead of reading todays passages I went and looked for something to help me with “Just For Today” Found it on June 6th page, it reads….

ALL WE DO IS TRY
Can He now take them all — every one?
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76

“In doing Step Six it helped me a lot to remember that I am striving for “spiritual progress.” Some of my character defects may be with me for the rest of my life, but most have been toned down or eliminated. All that Step Six asks of me is to become willing to name my defects, claim them as my own, and be willing to discard the ones I can, just for today. As I grow in the program, many of my defects become more objectionable to me than previously and, therefore, I need to repeat Step Six so that I can become happier with myself and maintain my serenity.”
From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

And so, it occurred to me the struggle was not with the OUTSIDE World it was with me… I had been doing the prayers and meditations and helping people BUT I had forgotten to take my own inventory as I mentioned above…Step 10
Step10Personal InventoryLike I say I am working day-to-day on Progress Not Perfection!

Thank God and AA for being able to have a way to take care of my daily life….

There-but-for-grace-quote

Double Whammy

What has mostly been on my mind today is the impending hurricane Florence about to hit the Carolinas and Virginia and other places up that way. Been thinking about friends and relatives and praying for their well being.  I have lived in Central Florida for 8 and a half years now. I have gone through two hurricanes. The first I have to admit was the scariest only because I had never experienced one yet. I do remember as a kid going through maybe one, but I was a kid and really can’t remember…84 tropical or subtropical cyclones have affected the state of New York since the 17th century that is all I know from history.

Florida is different, I can handle blizzards and ice, sleet storms because you prepare hunker down and just stay inside. Here in Florida, especially living in a mobile home or near the water you must leave your homes sometimes and possibly come back to nothing left.  Two years ago (2016) around this time we a storm, name escapes me. We were not forced to evacuate so we stayed at home, prepared and listened to the rain and wind… then last year (2017) we had Irma.  Our park is still recovering from Irma. We were told that there was a mandatory evacuation, so we packed up and left. Came back to our home still standing with minimal damage. This was the scariest thing I have been through in a long time.

So having experienced all this and sometimes just the thunderstorms which can also be intense in Florida (remember Florida is the lightening State and Tampa is often referred to as the lightening capital of the world), I have been watching the weather and hoping for the best for the folks to my north. STAY SAFE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY!! And, EVERYONE ELSE!!

I tried to fill my time today keeping busy, I do that most the time to keep my mind from sometimes paralyzing me with my fear…especially fear of the unknown. I am afraid of everything, remember?  What’s around the corner, water I can’t see the bottom of (lakes, etc.), someone talking to me, what may happen a minute from now and on and on….

So, once again I pray and look to Him to help me to calm down and know that it will all be ok.

Also been thinking about 9-11. Where I was and my initial reactions. I was driving my school bus in the hills of Maine, NY.  Something I did every time that time of year. I was doing my midday Kindergarten run. Heard the news from a parent when she came out. She said, “I am keeping my daughter home with us today.”  I was at a loss for words…I just continued on m run. We were asked to just act like everything was normal. Are you kidding me!!  Nothing would or could ever be normal again. I called my sons, the oldest sin just started at Syracuse University. All I could think of for him was that oh my gosh, if the start the draft, he’s going….my youngest was 14.  Couldn’t wait to get home and make sure they were both really ok.

The real crux to this post is that it can always, always be worse. No matter what I am going through it can never compare to what may be happening to someone else!!

Have been double whammed today…

The prayer from my 24 Hour Book today really hit home…

” I pray that I may see God’s grace in the strength I receive, the love I know, and the peace I have. I pray that I may be grateful for the things I have received through the grace of God.”

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 105). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

Please everyone that stops by to read this say an extra payer for the folks in Florence’s path and for all the people that were and still are affected by 9-11….May we Never Forget!!

Thank you and have a good night…Thankful

 

TOWARD EMOTIONAL FREEDOM

Hello, I have been gone for a little over a week now. I was enjoying the life that was given back to me through hard work. Not drinking, going to meeting after meeting, joining a group, getting a sponsor, going through the Steps of recovery one at a time in order with a sponsor. All these things have given me not only back my life, but a life beyond my wildest dreams. Never would I have imagined going to be with friends from forty years ago without having fear of “oh my gosh, what are they going to think about me…” and all those other emotional feelings that go along with fear of the unknown.

I have been able to continue to move forward and do all these things and more because I continue to grow and practice what I learned from day one. I practice the principles every day of my life today and hope to remain open, honest and willing…

AUGUST 20

Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one.                                            TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 80

Willingness is a peculiar thing for me in that, over a period of time, it seems to come, first with awareness, but then with a feeling of discomfort, making me want to take some action. As I reflected on taking the Eighth Step, my willingness to make amends to others came as a desire for forgiveness, of others and myself. I felt forgiveness toward others after I became aware of my part in the difficulties of relationships. I wanted to feel the peace and serenity described in the Promises. From working the first seven Steps, I became aware of whom I had harmed and that I had been my own worst enemy. In order to restore my relationships with my fellow human beings, I knew I would have to change. I wanted to learn to live in harmony with myself and others so that I could also live in emotional freedom. The beginning of the end to my isolation—from my fellows and from God—came when I wrote my Eighth Step list.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1700-1704). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

As mentioned above I was and sometimes often still work with “defective equipment. My thinking is not ‘right’. I turn mole holes into mountains. I hold onto resentments (not as long or as often any more). But having learned to become willing to pray, helping to turn over my will to God, I have been given the freedom to grow and move on. If I pray and let the bad ‘stuff’ out, there is room for the good now and my mind remains uncluttered with resentments and defective thinking. I wrote my Eighth Step list and kept hearing about the “Promises” that I was going to experience. I was beginning to have hope and feel the Promises of peace and serenity. “Are these extravagant promises, we think not….”PROMISES OF STEP NINE

I had to CHANGE, and I did and continue to adapt. I had to learn how to live a whole new life. In fact some of the people, places and things that I had been associated with I am no longer associated with. But the emotional freedom, that was and has been the most important part for me. It means I am free from feeling like a victim of and controlled by my emotions.  I learned how manage my feelings and  not react to them so they don’t control me. I learned how to take responsibility for not only my actions but how to take emotional responsibility, i.e., responsibility for my feelings. How? By once again, doing all that I learned from the people before me.

As you can tell by my writing, I am not a writer, nor do I remember proper grammar, or any of those things that make a good writer. I am a person, plain human being, that puts down on paper exactly how I feel. I tend to babble, and ramble…that’s who I am. I am an open book just like my life is an open book. Being self-centered I worry about what people think….Go figure…..

24 Hours A Day

A.A. Thought for the Day

“When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. When we see others solve their problems by simple reliance upon some Spirit of the universe, we have to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work, but the God-idea does. Deep down in every man, woman and child is the fundamental idea of God. Faith in a Power greater than ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.” Am I willing to rely on the Spirit of the universe?

Meditation for the Day

You should not dwell too much on the mistakes, faults and failures of the past. Be done with shame and remorse and contempt for yourself. With God’s help, develop a new self-respect. Unless you respect yourself, others will not respect you. You ran a race, you stumbled and fell, you have risen again and now you press on toward the goal of a better life. Do not stay to examine the spot where you fell, only feel sorry for the delay, the shortsightedness that prevented you from seeing the real goal sooner.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may not look back. I pray that I may keep picking myself up and making a fresh start each day.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 95). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

MyThought…I stopped doubting God when I saw what was happening to people before me. They were happy, in spite sometimes of all the ‘stuff’ happening around them. They were smiling, and laughing. Helping each other, talking, sharing all the things that I was learning to do. They were all my Powers of Example. If it (FAITH) worked for them, then may be, just may be, it might work for me too. What did I have to lose! I became willing to rely on God, the Spirit of the universe or my Higher Power. It worked then, as time has gone by and today. Why wouldn’t I continue to rely on something, someone other than me….

My Meditation…What is done is done…can’t go back, so I do not dwell on my past. I have learned from it but I don’t live in it any more. So, be positive and keeping growing and moving forward.

My Prayer…simple prayer, simple direction! Start each day as a new day, learn from your past and move on…..

 

A CLEAN SWEEP

AUGUST 13

. . . and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know.  TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77

As I faced the Eighth Step, everything that was required for successful completion of the previous seven Steps came together: courage, honesty, sincerity, willingness and thoroughness, I could not muster the strength required for this task at the beginning, which is why this Step reads “Became willing. . . .” I needed to develop the courage to begin, the honesty to see where I was wrong, a sincere desire to set things right, thoroughness in making a list, and willingness to take the risks required for true humility. With the help of my Higher Power in developing these virtues, I completed this Step and continued to move forward in my quest for spiritual growth.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1650-1653). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

How am I to develop relationships with everyone I know? I am afraid of everyone and everything….but I had learned by this time how to fight the fear and just do it. I was still afraid of picking up a drink. I remain afraid today of the drink more than I am afraid of people, places and things. So through practice, perseverance, people reminding me what to do and the fear of drinking out weighing all other fears I have learned day-to-day how to grow and through experience develop relation with others.

The first seven steps taught me how to relate and have relations with others through courage, honesty, sincerity, and of course willingness. Oh my gosh I was wrong on so many levels, I thought I knew everything, especially when I drank. I didn’t! I became sincere to change and make things right with all I harmed and was very thorough in making a list. I thought if I goofed on that list and left anyone or anything off the list it would not work. I was scared and fear is a fantastic motivator – even on the positive side. Next was humility, I was willing to do whatever it took with the help of my Higher Power to grow and move forward in my search for spiritual growth.

24 HOURS A DAY

A.A. Thought for the Day

“We had but two alternatives, one was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could and the other was to accept spiritual help. We became willing to maintain a certain simple attitude toward life. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us, a design for living that really works. Each individual establishes in his own way his personal relationship with God.” Have I established my own relationship with God?

Meditation for the Day

Make it a daily practice to review your character. Take your character in relation to your daily life, to your dear ones, your friends, your acquaintances and your work. Each day try to see where God wants you to change. Plan how best each fault can be eradicated or each mistake be corrected. Never be satisfied with a comparison with those around you. Strive toward a better life as your ultimate goal. God is your helper through weakness to power, through danger to security, through fear and worry to peace and serenity.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may make real progress toward a better life. I pray that I may never be satisfied with my present state.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 92). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

My Thought… I had to alternatives. One was to not continue forward and the other was to accept spiritual growth. I chose the latter. Even though at the time I was unsure what it was, but closer to believing that this all was going to help me not drink and become happy again. The proof was standing right in front of me….all the people before me.  I simplified my life by continuing on in AA with the direction and guidance of the AA fellowship. What I had read in all the AA literature was beginning to sink in. It was working. I had begun to reestablish that personal relationship with God as I understand Him.

My spiritual growth was maturing, and continues to mature so long as I continue to do the things I was taught and continue to trudge the road to a happy destiny. No, it isn’t a drudge any more, it once seemed like it, but no more. I am on the road to wah I was always looking for – Happiness! The road has had its ups and downs; twists and turns, but it has been worth every single minute. God has helped me accomplish all that I could not do myself.

My Prayer… I continue to pray to do the things I have been taught right from the start. They have proven to work. I pray to continue to strengthen my relationship with God and not rest on “my laurels.” I need to keep growing spiritually so that God may continue to help me carry out His will.

 

“. . . OF ALL PERSONS WE HAD HARMED” . . .

AUGUST 9

. . . and became willing to make amends to them all.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77

One of the key words in the Eighth Step is the word all. I am not free to select a few names for the list and to disregard others. It is a list of all persons I have harmed. I can see immediately that this Step entails forgiveness because if I’m not willing to forgive someone, there is little chance I will place his name on the list. Before I placed the first name on my list, I said a little prayer: “I forgive anyone and everyone who has ever harmed me at any time and under any circumstances.” It is well for me to contemplate a small, but very significant, two-letter word every time the Lord’s Prayer is said. The word is as. I ask, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In this case, as means, “in the same manner.” I am asking to be forgiven in the same manner that I forgive others. As I say this portion of the prayer, if I am harboring hatred or resentment, I am inviting more resentment, when I should be calling on the spirit of forgiveness.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1616-1621). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

I had made the list now came the hard part. I had to become willing to make amends to those people on the list. Here comes the fear. The key was I was going to make amends to them ALL, I wasn’t going to be able to pick and choose who I wanted to make amends to.  Here is where I started to learn that I could in no uncertain terms hold onto a resentment or seek revenge or pray for things to happen to the people who had ‘harmed’ me. I added the word “ask” before the Lord’s Prayer and I had no idea when I was ready to continue on. I was once again told that it was time to move on. “You are ready.”  I wondered how they knew I was only doing what I was told but how did they know? Did I look different? Was it something I said to my sponsor or others at a meeting? How did they know? It didn’t matter, they did and they said ok let’s continue to get ‘well”.

24 Hours a Day

A.A. Thought for the Day

“We have an allergy to alcohol. The action of alcohol on chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. We allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. We cannot be reconciled to a life without alcohol, unless we can experience an entire psychic change. Once this psychic change has occurred, we who seemed doomed, we who had so many problems that we despaired of ever solving them, find ourselves able to control our desire for alcohol.” Have I had a psychic change?

Meditation for the Day

Ask God in daily prayer to give you the strength to change. When you ask God to change you, you must at the same time fully trust Him. If you do not fully trust Him, God may answer your prayer as a rescuer does that of a drowning man who is putting up too much of a struggle. The rescuer must first render the drowning man still more helpless, until he is wholly at the rescuer’s mercy. Just so must we be wholly at God’s mercy before we can be rescued.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be daily willing to be changed. I pray that I may put myself wholly at the mercy of God.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 91). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

My thought…I was taught right from the start. That I had an allergy to alcohol. It says so right in the Big Book, in The Doctor’s Opinion, p.xxviii.  I can not and have not used alcohol in any type or form. I check every label, I read menus and if anything contains alcohol no matter how little I avoid it at all costs. I have been told many times, “oh it burns off.” I can not and will not take that chance. If there is any alcohol it does not pass by these lips. A few simple rules helped me change  the way my mind worked,  they were the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Plus it was helpful that in changing my mind (psychic change) the messages were short, sharp, and simple. In AA there is a sayiny…KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid. For me the simpler the better. As my psyche improved, so did the ability to control my desire for alcohol which up to now had been my solution for everything. Because of doing the things I have been taught in AA I have changed my life and continue to adjust by continuing to practice the principles, doing those same things. Another saying I learned is that “If I’m not growing…I’m going…”

My Meditation… and My Prayer…These two go together for me. I do this by sitting quietly and say my prayers and ask for the strength to change. Because if I don’t and like I said above in My Thought…”If I’m not growing…I’m growing…” The longer I stay sober, the more my meditations and prayers come together. People may argue that, but I have learned to meditate (sit quietly, clear my mind…) and then say my prayers asking my Higher Power (God) to guide me through the day so that I may be useful.

“MADE A LIST . . .”

August 8

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, . . .

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77

When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren’t alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren’t bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that particular time. Where there is a will, there’s a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feelings I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feelings of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1610-1611). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

This sounded simple enough. Wrong. I could make a list of the obvious, the people I had harmed, did things to. But it didn’t even cross my mind that I had harmed more people through omission.  What I should have been doing. There weren’t a lot of people or so I thought, the list grew as I got “weller.”  How was I to make things right, what if they didn’t like me afterwards, what if they got up and walked out on me? What if, what if…??? Some of the things I did weren’t awful and come to find out in a later step they people had no idea what I was talking about or that I even did or didn’t do anything to hurt them. But as it says in the reflection. the things I did bothered me. I was reminded by my sponsor, it is just a list. Keep praying and the willingness will come to make amends to these people when the time is right. Little did I know she was going to be the one that told me when the time was right.So I became willing with her help, my Higher Power and the fact I didn’t want to feel this guilt any more. Pain was an awesome motivator for me. Afraid? Of course. However having done all the things that were suggested to me up to this point had made me start to feel better and I liked the feeling. So with fear as my motivator I made the list.  Low and behold it worked. Today I don’t make lists I make amends as needed. Not necessarily for the person I am making amends to but for me. It helps to keep my mind clean and helps keep me honest with people and especially myself.

24 Hours a Day

A.A. Thought for the Day

For awhile, we are going back to the big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, and pick out passages here and there, so that they may become fixed in our minds, a little at a time, day by day, as we go along. There is no substitute for reading the big book. It is our “bible.” We should study it thoroughly and make it a part of ourselves. We should not try to change any of it. Within its covers is the full exposition of the A.A. programme. There is no substitute for it. We should study it often. Have I studied the big book faithfully?

Meditation for the Day

All of life is a fluctuation between effort and rest. You need both every day. But effort is not truly effective until first you have had the proper preparation for it, by resting in a time of quiet meditation. This daily time of rest and meditation gives you the power necessary to make your best effort. There are days when you are called on for much effort and then comes a time when you need much rest. It is not good to rest too long and it is not good to carry on great effort too long without rest. The successful life is a proper balance between the two.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be ready to make the proper effort. I pray that I may also recognize the need for relaxation.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 90). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

My Thought…  The big book is definitely my Bible and my go to book. Yes I have studied the Big Book and attended countless Big Book meetings and they defintiely became one of my favorites. It taught me how to live a day at a time without a drink. I first was told to read the stories, the rest of it would make little or no sense at the time. Never has it entered my mind to change the book, why would it? It saved the lives of countless people before me, then me, and who knows how many people after me. If you drink, and want to get well this is the book, the only book that will get you from that “seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” and  the main purpose of the book is to “show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered.”  Continue reading ““MADE A LIST . . .””

Driven

August 6

Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.                                                                                   ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62

My selfishness was the driving force behind my drinking. I drank to celebrate success and I drank to drown my sorrows. Humility is the answer. I learn to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. My sponsor tells me that service keeps me sober. Today I ask myself: Have I sought knowledge of God’s will for me? Have I done service for my A.A. group?

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1594-1598). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

I was always afraid. As I child if I could not do it well, it wasn’t going to get done. Everyone thought oh Joanne is so shy. Truth be told, I was scared to death of people, places and things. I would not offer to speak to any one, if they spoke to me I would speak back but that’s it. As I got older and carried the same pattern into my adult life I began to be seen as a snob. I was far from being a snob. I was a scardy cat. I was also afraid places. Anything unfamiliar to me was nerve-racking. And change, forget it! I am a creature of habit, I think we all are. I like routine. So without knowing I stepped on a lot of toes through my fears which manifested themselves in so many forms.

I drank as mentioned above to celebrate my success and to drown my sorrows…so what other reasons was there. I was very selfish and self-centered, I didn’t know that I was taught that n AA. I had to get humble and accept help, humility was the answer. I learned to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him. And, then I had to give back what was freely given to me. Service will keep me and has kept me sober. I have continued to seek Gods will for me. Having been taught in my earlier years that His will for me is to not drink, go to meeting and help other alcoholics stay sober. However in the years I have broadened that to help others in any way I can. I did plenty of service for my AA group. I wasn’t allowed to just go to meetings, get a cup of coffee, listen to what was said, get up and leave. I had to go early, stay late: make coffee, set up and clean up: talk to newcomers: talk to old timers and anyone in between: lead meetings: speak at meeting….so yes, I have done all that in the past, and if I belonged to AA group today I’d be doing the same things. Now I do it in other places….

Thought for the Day

Psychologists are turning to religion because just knowing about ourselves is not enough. A man needs the added dynamic of faith in a power outside of himself, on which he can rely. Books on psychology and psychiatric treatments are not enough, without the strength that comes from faith in God. And ministers and priests are turning to psychology because faith is an act of the mind and will. Religion must be presented in psychological terms to some extent in order to satisfy the modern man. Faith must be built largely on our own psychological experience. Have I taken what I need from both psychology and religion when I live the A.A. way? 

My Thought… I think I have taken what I need from both psychology and religion living the AA way. I fact I don’t know the difference whether I did or not. I am living the way I was taught and I have to believe the “Old Timers” in AA have taught me how to live my life based on their experiences. I also think I mentioned in another earlier blog that I did what they did to get what they got…and that whatever my psychological state may have been or becomes I have to remember that there are plenty of people that have experienced it long before me and if I remain teachable and humble I will stay well by taking their guidance and direction when needed.

Meditation for the Day

Refilling with the spirit is something you need every day. For this refilling with the spirit, you need these times of quiet communion, away, alone, without noise, without activity. You need this dwelling apart, this shutting yourself away in the very secret place of your being, away alone with your Maker. From these times of communion you come forth with new power. This refilling is the best preparation for effective work. When you are spiritually filled, there is no work too hard for you.

My Meditation…I refill my spirit every single day. Honestly I do not get on my knees and pray any more, I can’t get up. But I do pray shortly after I open my eyes. Then I try to remain calm and quiet before starting the day. I tis easer now, I don’t have kids or work to get going to. But I do have pets and they sometimes have to have their needs met before I can meditate. When I am filled spiritually I can accomplish anything, this has been proven to me over and over again. Not that I am not afraid, but I am never alone!!

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be daily refilled with the right spirit. I pray that I may be full of the joy of true living.

My Prayer…I say the prayers as written. Have said this in the past…I do not have to understand them or analyze pray to reap a benefit from them. Just one more thing I was told to do and I do it. Prayer releases me from myself.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 88- 89). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.