Recognizing Personal Growth

I know I am growing. How do I know this? Well first I am not the same selfish self-centered person I was. Far FromI have learned to Let Go. Letting Go has helped me to grow by not living in the past (especially dwelling in the past).  I have learned to put my faith and trust in a Higher Power and step into the UNKNOWN and the next Unknown, and the next and the next… It doesn’t mean I am not afraid it means I believe I will be all right no matter what comes into my life at any given moment. That is how I recognize that I am growing.Growth

I take risks that I never, ever would before. I feel OK when I hear something that is disturbing to me. An example of this is that I had a medical test done recently. A procedure that I do every year. Well, for the first time ever, it came back with some abnormalities. I know I am not who I used to be by the way I reacted. I was angry at first, then ok, then not ok, then, well you get it.  So I knew what I had to do – PRAY. I did and I felt better.  Set up the next test and I will see where I am after that. This is the FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN to me.

It is ok, I know it is because I am not alone and I have faith that it will be the way God intends it to be, good, bad or indifferent. It is in His hands and I will accept whatever is in the future for me.  It is all about Growth!! We go through these things…they are not tests that are imposed on us, it is just Life.  And, besides what makes me any better than anyone else that I may not have to go through some of Life’s curves.

Risking the known is to actually LET GO. I have to LET GO of what previous version of me, the one that has become too comfortable, allow myself to feel the fears and anxiety (lack of trust) that come up in letting go while moving into the unknown  leading me to grow.

Circumsatnces

I hope that this makes sense I am a little off tonight. But feeling much better as I share my day and thoughts, fears, anxieties and how I get through these feelings/emotions without drinking – One Day At A Time. I can not and will not make that an escape route for me ever again. Not an option any more. Thank you AA and God.
NIGHT PRAYER
God forgive me where I have been resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid today. Help me to not keep anything to myself but to discuss it all openly with another person – show me where I owe an apology and help me make it. Help me to be kind and loving to all people. Use me in the mainstream of life God. Remove worry, remorse or morbid (sick) reflections that I may be of usefulness to others. AMEN
(p. 86 BB)

Nothing like a good tired

Tonight I am tired. But in a good way. I got to spend time ah=gain with two young men that mean the world to me. They have been my friends and family for quite a few years now.  I met them about 8 or nine years ago and we have just gotten closer every year. I live here in Florida and they live in central New York. But that distance doesn’t keep us a part. When I moved here 8 years ago in January of 2011, the very first year I was here, they came to visit. We had a ball, and every year since we have enjoyed without a doubt.

I never would have been able to hang out with these guys if I had not first gotten well. So tonight I say I owe  who and what I am to my recovery in AA and my Higher Power. Without either one I am nothing!

Read this in my Daily Reflections today….

I can be free of my old enslaving self. After a while I recognize, and believe in, the good within myself. I see that I have been loved back to recovery by my Higher Power, who envelops me. My Higher Power becomes that source of love and strength that is performing a continuing miracle in me. I am sober . . . and I am grateful.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Location 1897). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

It came into play today. Feeling extremely GRATEFUL for EVERYTHING tonight!!

I am very tired but feeling Happy, Serene and at Peace in my alcoholic mind.  The committee in my head are not yelling at each other tonight….

Good night, tomorrow is a NEW DAY!!NewDay

 

 

CENTERING OUR THOUGHTS

AUGUST 27

When World War II broke out, our A.A. dependence on a Higher Power had its first major test. A.A.’s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take the discipline, stand up under fire, and endure . . . ?                                     AS BILL SEES IT, p. 200

I will center my thoughts on a Higher Power. I will surrender all to this power within me. I will become a soldier for this power, feeling the might of the spiritual army as it exists in my life today. I will allow a wave of spiritual union to connect me through my gratitude, obedience and discipline to this Higher Power. Let me allow this power to lead me through the orders of the day. May the steps I take today strengthen my words and deeds, may I know that the message I carry is mine to share, given freely by this power greater than myself.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1750-1751). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

The history of AA is so important to me. It means that for years, years before me the fellowship of AA survived everything. It goes back as far as World War II some 75 plus years ago. Men went off to war around the world and were able to carry out their duties. While under fire, the presses that they encountered they would not drink. I have to admit, although my sobriety seemed like a humongous task, I have so much admiration and respect for these heroes  in all sense of the word. Heroes as military men and heroes as nondrinking individuals.

Because of these Heroes, I can today us them as my “Spiritual Army”.  I am focused. I pray to feel the spirituality fill me up and help me remain obedient, fill me with gratitude and discipline me to help me fulfill the orders of my day. This all enables me to carry on and give back freely what I was given.

24 Hours A Day

A.A. Thought for the Day

“We must be willing to make amends to all the people we have harmed. We must do the best we can to repair the damage done in the past. When we make amends, when we say: I’m sorry, the person is sure at least to be impressed by our sincere desire to set right the wrong. Sometimes a person we are making amends to admits his own fault, so feuds of long-standing melt away. Our most ruthless creditors will sometimes surprise us. In general, we must be willing to do the right thing, no matter what the consequences may be for us.” Have I made a sincere effort to make amends to the people I have harmed?

Meditation for the Day

The grace of God cures disharmony and disorder in human relationships. Directly you put your affairs, with their confusion and their difficulties, into God’s hands, He begins to effect a cure of all the disharmony and disorder. You can believe that He will cause you no more pain in the doing of it than a physician, who plans and knows that he can effect a cure, would cause his patient. You can have faith that God will do all that is necessary as painlessly as possible. But you must be willing to submit to His treatment, even if you cannot now see the meaning or purpose of it.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may willingly submit to whatever spiritual discipline is necessary. I pray that I may accept whatever it takes to live a better life.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 98). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

My Thought…I have made amends, I have done what I could to repair the damage I caused in my life. Some was well accepted, some not. I lost some people along the way…Most the time the people I made amends to had no idea I had harmed them in any way. They were usually the ones I harmed through omission. Meaning I neglected to do it or left something undone. I continue to make amends as needed today. I can not and will not let ‘things or people’ rent space in my head any longer. I drives me crazy…..

My Meditation…Everything I do today goes into God’s hands. In the beginning I had NO idea what God’s treatment was for me other than what I was told His treatment was for me. Now KNOW…I have gone to meetings, pray and pray and that is my medicine.  Like a diabetic must have his or her medicine, I must have mine on a daily basis.

My Prayer…another simple prayer…I just say it as written above….I pray that I may willingly submit to whatever spiritual discipline is necessary. I pray that I may accept whatever it takes to live a better life.