I Like Dreamin’

I heard a song today… “I Like Dreamin'” sung by Kenny Nolan.

I like dreamin’ cause dreamin’ can make you mine.
I like dreamin’, closing my eyes and feeling fine.
When the lights go down, I’m holding you so tight.
Got you in my arms and it’s paradise ’til the morning light.
I see us on the shore beneath the bright sunshine.
We’ve walked along St. Thomas beach a million times.
Hand in hand, two barefoot lovers kissing in the sand.
Side by side, the tide rolls in.
I’m touching you, you’re touching me.
If only it could be.
I like dreamin’ cause dreamin’ can make you mine.
I like dreamin’, closing my eyes and feeling fine.
When the lights go down, I’m holding you so tight.
Got you in my arms and it’s paradise ’til the morning light.
Through each dream how our love has grown.
I see us with our children and our happy home.
Little smiles, so warm and tender looking up at us.
Blessed by love, the world we share
Until I wake and reach for you
And you’re just not there.
I like dreamin’ ’cause dreaming can make you mine.
I like holding you close and touching your skin
Even if it’s in my mind.
Oh, sweet dream baby, I love you.
Oh, my sweet dream baby, you’re in my dreams every night.
Songwriters: KENNY NOLAN
© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC,Spirit Music Group

This song was released in a very uncertain, although special time in my life.  However at the same time this year became one of the best years of my life. I think  that the song, if I read and listen to the lyrics mean more to me today that they did then. Many of my favorite songs are like that today. They touch my life so much more than when they first came out or when I first heard them.  I could name dozens…I can remember where I was, who I was with and what was going on when I hear a song. Funny I can’t remember what I did a few minutes ago.

Another special song for me is a Carole King song called, “Now and Forever”.  I never heard it until a few years back I was on vacation and staying in a condo we rented on the beach at St Augustine.  I went to take a nap and had my headphones on listening to a local radio station and it came on. It took me back to my past immediately. Could not get the song out of my head. I finally found it and found out it was Carole King in fact that sang it. It is on You Tube Now And Forever 

Take a minute and listen to it. You may already know these two songs. If not, take a minute, relax and go check them out.

You may be thinking way this time in my life was so special…I can only say that it was in the sense that I fell in love and had a wonderful time and then we both had to move on…hardest part is that I still think of that person and wished it had worked out differently, but it didn’t. I is ok, because it happened the way it was supposed to happen. This is hard because I have to always remind myself that it is God’s will, not mine that I am supposed to live by. I want it to be totally different but He saw fit for it to turn out this way. As I write these words I still have trouble believing it turned out different from the way I wanted or wished it to. I procrastinated writing about this because of the pain it creates and I was also taught in AA that I was not here to dredge up the past and hurt others from my past. I do know that for me though talking and writing about things helps me to move on…this topic/subject from my past was, is and probably will always be the hardest to move on with. But the bottom line is that even though there is heartache quite often because a lot of things remind me of that time…I have not picked up a drink. That is my ultimate goal on a daily basis. And, I have become useful in so many ways to others, by letting go. Problem is I don’t stay “letting go”.  I would and may still at a future date write about this time in my life but I am not ready and as I mentioned I certainly do not want to hurt anyone else that may have played a major impact in this time of my life. I also want to make it perfectly clear I totally Love and Adore the person I am currently with!!!  I will leave all this tonight with two quotes….

 

 

If-You-Love-Someone-tell-them

SadThing

 

 

 

 

This Too Shall Pass

Well that frustrating day I was going to write about today passed…imagine that!  I said my prayers last night.  Not only did I pray I took an honest inventory of myself (10th Step) and found out why I had been feeling the way I had been feeling…A few things popped into my head. First I was tired, I had been hanging out with my friends from New York at Disney World having a wonderful time. But I was tired and every little thing that was happening around was starting to ‘bother’ me. That is not supposed to happen at the ‘Most Happiest Place On Earth.”  I am here to tell you, it does.  Another thing was that finances were improving but, dang, not fast enough to suit me…well, again this is something as long as I am doing what I need to be doing will improve with time, not necessarily my time. And, there were a couple other little character defects I had finally recognized. So I did what I was taught to do…pray that the resentments be removed, and prayed to have those character defects removed, knowing full well that they will certainly rear their ugly heads again. I also prayed to have more patience. But I did what I was taught to do and this morning I woke up feeling much better.

Another thing that has been festering in the back of my mind is that in a week or so the snowbirds and northerners will be returning to our park. I am a Board of Director for our Homeowners Association, the President in fact.  I can not wait until February (I don’t like thinking like that, it is kind of wishing my life away), but, that is when my two-year term is up.  I got involved because I thought it would be a great way of helping, being useful, getting out of myself.  It is but it is also a thankless task.  People have been mean and less than grateful for my time and effort. Some have actually made my life miserable (I know, misery is optional). ShipsDontSinkPic

I have used the serenity prayer and just about every other prayer I could possibly think of in the past twenty months or so.  Thank goodness for AA and my Higher Power this year. 2018 has been a BEAR!! But as the saying goes…”This Too Shall Pass…”  I have lately trying to live in the day, that way I don’t get so crazy and forget my purpose…Just For Today!!

So I went to my Daily Reflections book and instead of reading todays passages I went and looked for something to help me with “Just For Today” Found it on June 6th page, it reads….

ALL WE DO IS TRY
Can He now take them all — every one?
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76

“In doing Step Six it helped me a lot to remember that I am striving for “spiritual progress.” Some of my character defects may be with me for the rest of my life, but most have been toned down or eliminated. All that Step Six asks of me is to become willing to name my defects, claim them as my own, and be willing to discard the ones I can, just for today. As I grow in the program, many of my defects become more objectionable to me than previously and, therefore, I need to repeat Step Six so that I can become happier with myself and maintain my serenity.”
From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

And so, it occurred to me the struggle was not with the OUTSIDE World it was with me… I had been doing the prayers and meditations and helping people BUT I had forgotten to take my own inventory as I mentioned above…Step 10
Step10Personal InventoryLike I say I am working day-to-day on Progress Not Perfection!

Thank God and AA for being able to have a way to take care of my daily life….

There-but-for-grace-quote

Good Morning

Ok it is nearly afternoon…

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Hopefully I am not only be filled with good thoughts, kind people and happy moments but I can help by filling others with good thoughts, being kind to people and making moments happy for those around me.  After all that is my purpose in life…. says so…
“Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.”   Big Book Into Action, p.77

Have a beautiful day and  “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.”
-Barbara de Angelis

 

 

Going Against the Grain

eleanorroosevelt1

This is an awesome quote, especially coming from one of my favorite ladies, Eleanor Roosevelt.

I don’t like so much to pick apart quotes. Sometimes they mean a lot to me and I can ramble on and on about what I think they mean. This time this particular quote says to me – I must go against the grain. This idiom I learned in AA. Simply put I must continue to do the things that make me feel uncomfortable in order to grow and remain sober and well. My drinking was just the symptom of my real problem.  Alcohol was a coping skill to some other deep down problem in my life. Whatever that may have been….May be something medical or mental. Deep feelings of guilt can be a cause.  Alcohol made it better in the beginning, but then it turned on me. I used it to numb my emotions.

The 4th step showed me what alcohol was a symptom of.  I had to answer questions … I had resentments,  but why? Now I knew why, but why did my thinking bring me to that conclusion.  This is one of my many character defects, that only God will remove. And, trust me they do come back…

Anyway, so now it is in my everyday practice to “go against the grain.” and fight the FEAR.  If it is something I need to absolutely do, I have to do it. Something I want to do, I have to do it…I missed out on way too many things because of being afraid to “do it”.  So just like NIKE says, JUST DO IT! How? Well through, prayer and practicing the principles of AA. I maintain my sobriety with the last 3 steps on AA…..maintenance Steps in AA 10, 11, and 12

Just do It

Quote of the Day

I have no “Pearls of Wisdom” other than what is written above.

Says pretty much what I am about today. Had a good day, not much to share about the day tonight. 

None of what I say or write jus totally mine. I have gained and learned so much from so many people that I have actually become a culmination of everyone I have met. God has put everybody that I needed in my life whenever and wherever He has seen fit. That is how I became who I am today. A little bit of everybody, every place and everything I have run into up to this point in my life.

Quote of the Day – Memories

Memories2

Had a fantastic night.  Went to Disney Springs to a new restaurant called Terralina Italian.  Was delicious. But aside from the food the company was awesome.  Met up with my brother-in-law, his wife and their daughters. We ate, we laughed and oh my goodness the reminiscing. I have known his family for over 40 some years. We had lots to share.  Some of the memories we have heard over and over, but the fun part now is that his daughters are old enough to add to the memories.

Like the quote says,”…memories are the only things that don’t change…”  Everything else, people, places, things they ALL change.  I think that is why for me memories are so important. They also help build character and mold who we were, who we are and who we will become.  Everything that happened in my life had to happen  in order for me to get to where I am today. I have to remind myself though that I MUST CONTINUE TO GROW, which means I have to CHANGE with respect to the way I react to people, places and things.

My memories are usually sparked by people, and more times than not music.  A certain song comes on and I can remember where I was, who I was with and where I was. Funny though because I usually can’t remember what I went in a room to get…LOL

One of my favorite Memory songs is by Paul Anka “Times of Your Life” Paul Anka Times of YOur Life

Another one is “Now and Forever” by Carole King   Carole King Now and Forever

There are soooooo many of these songs that help me when the world around me is driving me crazy or things become so overwhelming. I put on my headphones and escape to my Memories.

Some of my memories haven’t always been great, no matter they are all a part of who I am. My childhood has shaped me to what I am today. I recall my childhood memories, there are many stories. Childhood is special for everyone.  There are so many childhood memories I can remember that effected my personality. Some of memories make me happy, but others make and made me grow up.  As time evolved my teen years, my young adults years and on and on all had some impact of my growth. Until I started drinking. Then I stopped growing. I was stuck in the time period. Once I stopped drinking and started to get well I was able to begin growing again. As more time went on and I continued to get well, I started to remember all the memories, the good, bad and even ugly memories.  God was and still is the one that  helps me to remember the things I need for whatever reason (usually growth). And, it is all in his time not mine. I am sure there are reasons that He sees fit that I do not remember. Like in the beginning of my sobriety, I recalled very little, probably a good thing. As I have gotten “weller”  He ‘lets’ me remember more and more.

Now, I am able to share with family and friends many memories…although sometimes they will share a memory and I have no idea what they are talking about. It is ok, I am happy to be able to remember what I can today.

It was a wonderful night, seems like mu=my funk is lifting…YEAH!!

Have a great night, sleep well and until tomorrow….goodnightsweetdreams Continue reading “Quote of the Day – Memories”

A RIDDLE THAT WORKS

AUGUST 24

It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how.                                                                                            AS BILL SEES IT, p. 313

I had a profound spiritual experience during an open A.A. meeting, which led me to blurt out, “I’m an alcoholic!” I have not had a drink since that day. I can tell you the words I heard just prior to my admission, and how those words affected me, but as to why it happened, I do not know. I believe a power greater than myself chose me to recover, yet I do not know why. I try not to worry or wonder about what I do not yet know; instead, I trust that if I continue to work the Steps, practice the A.A. principles in my life, and share my story, I will be guided lovingly toward a deep and mature spirituality in which more will be revealed to me. For the time being, it is a gift for me to trust God, work the Steps and help others.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1731-1734). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

I may never know how this profound change in me happened!  I only know that it DID!  I continue to do the simple things I have been taught to do in the fellowship of AA and my spirit awakened. To keep it that way I have to continue to grow and I know no other way to do that then to keep doing what I have been doing. I do know when I had my spiritual awakening….it was when I read in the Big Book, “The Housewife Who Drank At Home.” theystoppedintime3BB Housewife

I have been given my greatest gift!! I trust in God, I continue to ‘work’ the steps, and help others. I put ‘work’ in quotations because I really don’t work the steps. I live the steps. AA was a part of my life, now it is my life!!

24 Hours a Day

A.A. Thought for the Day

“When we saw our faults, we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and we were willing to set these matters straight. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We asked God to remove our fears and we commenced to outgrow fear. Many of us needed an overhauling in regard to sex. We came to believe that sex powers were God-given and therefore good if used properly. Sex is never to be used lightly or selfishly, nor is it to be despised or loathed. If sex is troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others, and so take our minds off ourselves.” Am I facing my sex problems in the proper way?

Meditation for the Day

Cling to the belief that all things are possible with God. If this belief is truly accepted, it is the ladder upon which a human soul can climb from the lowest pit of despair to the sublimest heights of peace of mind. It is possible for God to change your way of living. When you see the change in another person through the grace of God, you cannot doubt that all things are possible in the lives of people through the strength that comes from faith in Him who rules us all.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may live expectantly. I pray that I may believe deeply that all things are possible with God.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 97). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

My Thought… Sex, oh my gosh. No way was I talking about that. To anyone!!  This is where I threw myself into helping others even more. I was told that if I helped others it would help me because I wouldn’t be thinking about me and my problems as much. I am here to say it worked. However, there came the time later in sobriety I had to be really become brutally honest with myself once again. I had faced my sexual problems (in my marriage) in the ‘proper way’ because I had help from the people around me, I had learned to talk about that 3 letter word. But, I was afraid that if they knew I liked girls more than boys, they would think of me in a different way. I had listed and talked about it in my steps with my sponsor. Then there came the time I had to have that faith I learned to believe and trust in and say, “hey, I am a gay woman and I have to start to live my life that way or I may drink again.” I was not being honest. Especially with myself. And I knew from my past experience not being honest is one of the first things that will lead me back to a drink. Today I am honest with myself first and foremost!

My Meditation… ALL THINGS are possible with God!  God helps me to live day-to-day because I ma able to adapt and change in today’s world and the situations that may or may not arise.  I saw people around me changing around me, so who was I to say, “There is no God?” They had faith! I want it, so I decided to have it by doing what they did to get it.

My Prayer…  All Things are possible with God!!

 

WE JUST TRY

AUGUST 21

My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive.                   THE BEST OF BILL, pp. 46-47

As long as I try, with all my heart and soul, to pass along to others what has been passed along to me, and do not demand anything in return, life is good to me. Before entering this program of Alcoholics Anonymous I was never able to give without demanding something in return. Little did I know that, once I began to give freely of myself, I would begin to receive, without ever expecting or demanding anything at all. What I receive today is the gift of “stability,” as Bill did: stability in my A.A. program; within myself; but most of all, in my relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Location 1710). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

I have learned that giving is better than receiving…it wasn’t the change that was painful, it was the resistance to change that was painful.  I was so comfortable where I was. I fought every step of the way. Most changes, probably all the changes I had to make I had to “go against the grain” doing things I wasn’t normally used to doing. Luckily having done this for a while now, I am able to change and continue to change. For me, pain is a motivator. I was given stability and balance and above all my new (but old) relationship with God.

24 Hours A Day

A.A. Thought for the Day

“Who are you to say there is no God? This challenge comes to all of us. Are we capable of denying that there is a design and purpose in all of life as we know it? Or are we willing to admit that faith in some kind of Divine Principle is a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend? We find a great Reality deep down within us, if we face ourselves as we really are. In the last analysis, it is only there that God may be found. When we find this Reality within us, we are restored to our right minds.” Have I found the great Reality?

Meditation for the Day

“Behold, I make all things new.” When you change to a new way of life, you leave many things behind you. It is only the earth-bound spirit that cannot soar. Loosen somewhat the strands that tie you to the earth. It is only the earthly desires that bind you. Your new freedom will depend on your ability to rise above earthly things. Clipped wings can grow again. Broken wings can regain a strength and beauty unknown before. If you will, you can be released and free.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be freed from things that hold me down. I pray that my spirit may soar in freedom.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (pp. 95-96). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

My thought… I was told many times in my early recovery, “Who are you to say there is no God?”  God has become my friend. I can go to Him and speak with Him at any time, any place. But was did the “great Reality” mean?  To my relief,  I discovered I did not need to consider anyone else’s conception of God but my own.  I got it, back to my spiritual roots.

My Meditation…this meditation helps me to remember that I have been given my freedom and My Prayer…helps me to reinforce that I will remain free when I pray to help have all those things that bind me removed.

I just keep trying ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

Continuing to Do the Things…

Continuing to do the things I have been doing day in and day out for many years now.

I am writing this tonight because I am going to be out-of-town for the next few days. Going to Pensacola Florida for the All Service Women’s Softball Tournament. What fun it will be, I started going a couple of years ago. Now some of the gals I played with in 1980 and 1981, also go back to cheer the “Rookies” on. GO ARMY!!!!SoftballPic

 

Even though I will be out of town…I will CONTINUE to read my Daily Reflections and my 24 Hour A Day Books. You should too!! Because of these two books and their passages being a part of my daily life, I am able to go and be around my friend and their friends and get this – Strangers in a different place. It is amazing, no, a miracle for someone who was afraid of everyone and everything forever! Until I got and continue to stay well – ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

My blogging will probably be highlighting my days revolving around the games and my emotions…I may or may not reference or write about the Reflections or 24 Hours. But then again, you never know. Have a fantastic week! I’m about to and I owe it ALL to AA and God!

A CLEAN SWEEP

AUGUST 13

. . . and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know.  TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77

As I faced the Eighth Step, everything that was required for successful completion of the previous seven Steps came together: courage, honesty, sincerity, willingness and thoroughness, I could not muster the strength required for this task at the beginning, which is why this Step reads “Became willing. . . .” I needed to develop the courage to begin, the honesty to see where I was wrong, a sincere desire to set things right, thoroughness in making a list, and willingness to take the risks required for true humility. With the help of my Higher Power in developing these virtues, I completed this Step and continued to move forward in my quest for spiritual growth.

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1650-1653). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

How am I to develop relationships with everyone I know? I am afraid of everyone and everything….but I had learned by this time how to fight the fear and just do it. I was still afraid of picking up a drink. I remain afraid today of the drink more than I am afraid of people, places and things. So through practice, perseverance, people reminding me what to do and the fear of drinking out weighing all other fears I have learned day-to-day how to grow and through experience develop relation with others.

The first seven steps taught me how to relate and have relations with others through courage, honesty, sincerity, and of course willingness. Oh my gosh I was wrong on so many levels, I thought I knew everything, especially when I drank. I didn’t! I became sincere to change and make things right with all I harmed and was very thorough in making a list. I thought if I goofed on that list and left anyone or anything off the list it would not work. I was scared and fear is a fantastic motivator – even on the positive side. Next was humility, I was willing to do whatever it took with the help of my Higher Power to grow and move forward in my search for spiritual growth.

24 HOURS A DAY

A.A. Thought for the Day

“We had but two alternatives, one was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could and the other was to accept spiritual help. We became willing to maintain a certain simple attitude toward life. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us, a design for living that really works. Each individual establishes in his own way his personal relationship with God.” Have I established my own relationship with God?

Meditation for the Day

Make it a daily practice to review your character. Take your character in relation to your daily life, to your dear ones, your friends, your acquaintances and your work. Each day try to see where God wants you to change. Plan how best each fault can be eradicated or each mistake be corrected. Never be satisfied with a comparison with those around you. Strive toward a better life as your ultimate goal. God is your helper through weakness to power, through danger to security, through fear and worry to peace and serenity.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may make real progress toward a better life. I pray that I may never be satisfied with my present state.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 92). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

My Thought… I had to alternatives. One was to not continue forward and the other was to accept spiritual growth. I chose the latter. Even though at the time I was unsure what it was, but closer to believing that this all was going to help me not drink and become happy again. The proof was standing right in front of me….all the people before me.  I simplified my life by continuing on in AA with the direction and guidance of the AA fellowship. What I had read in all the AA literature was beginning to sink in. It was working. I had begun to reestablish that personal relationship with God as I understand Him.

My spiritual growth was maturing, and continues to mature so long as I continue to do the things I was taught and continue to trudge the road to a happy destiny. No, it isn’t a drudge any more, it once seemed like it, but no more. I am on the road to wah I was always looking for – Happiness! The road has had its ups and downs; twists and turns, but it has been worth every single minute. God has helped me accomplish all that I could not do myself.

My Prayer… I continue to pray to do the things I have been taught right from the start. They have proven to work. I pray to continue to strengthen my relationship with God and not rest on “my laurels.” I need to keep growing spiritually so that God may continue to help me carry out His will.