I am a creature of habit. Always have been. I have been sitting here today and thinking what should or can I write that I haven’t written about before. Well, the answer is nothing. My days are essentially the same and they always come down to my AA way of Life.
I like to plan, organize and unfortunately still project out comes. I hate the projection part. I have gotten much, much better at not doing it so much but in all honesty, it is STILL THERE. Especially when something is going on out of my control…Fear of the UNKNOWN. One of my worst enemies!!
I have talked about walking into a dark room with no floor and knowing it will be ok, and I have experienced fear of the unknown many times and survived however it seems to always come back when a new challenge enters my life. And, that is what happened the other day. I am not ready to divulge what it is yet. I will if and when I need to. Best part it isn’t first and foremost in my mind, but it is lurking. I have found though if I continue to do the things I have been taught (there it is Repeating Myself) then I will feel and ultimately be ok. No matter what the outcome.
I prefer to be in control of my life. I know though in all sincerity I am not. I can plan and organize all I want but the results are in Gods hands. Probably better that way too. I made quite a mess of my life while drinking and sometimes when not drinking. After all I was always and always will be an alcoholic. Best part, I am a recovered alcoholic by “Doing the same things over and over on a continuous basis” So I have to repeat everything I learned and when I write it all seems to be is same thing all the time. That is what and who I am today. If I am going to continue to write my story then that is what I have to do. The ‘same things’ perhaps not perfect but all the same doing those ‘things’ everyday. I guess that is why I write the same thing over and over, because I live my life day-to-day the same. The circumstances may change but how I react may not. Certainly hasn’t hurt me to keep repeating myself, may not hurt others to read it.
Sitting here trying to think what else to say, I think nothing right now is appropriate. Sometimes too much is too much…