A reaction is my response to what someone says or does. These reactions sometimes may turn into resentments. If I hang onto a resentment it can kill me. As plainly stated in the Big Book: “Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.” Chapter 5 page 64 in the Big Book speaks more on the issue of resentments. Chapter 5 Resentments
Someone once said that forgiveness is letting go of the idea that you could have had a different past. When we forgive, we surrender the burden of hurts and resentment that so easily weigh us down and keep us from living a full and joyful life.
“If you have resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it everyday for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate, understanding and love.” Big Book on Resentments… Page 552, 4th Edition
When I was first told to pray for the person or thing I resented I said, they were crazy. But once again, I did it anyway. And, lo and behold it worked. It wasn’t about them or the place, it was about me. I learned how to Let Go and Let God. The “letting God” part means I pray about a situation and leave the matter in God’s hands. The common phrase, used to end a prayer, is “thy will, not my will, be done.” I use this phrase ALL the time. Especially when I feel overwhelmed. Like everything else in my recovery, it takes time and another slogan comes to mind, This Too Shall Pass.
It is no coincidence how when I start writing one thing it leads to the next, then the next and the next…That to me is how my Recovery continues to progress. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and each day I gain a little bit more even if I think I don’t. Every day teaches me something and it has been up to this point an awesome journey. I don’t always know why things are happening to me when they are but the are and I can either embrace them or fight them. I choose to my journey by embracing them. Another thing I have noticed is that there is sometimes a link drawn between AA and religion. Historically this is accurate. However, it’s a mistake to think that AA is religion.
The reasoning is simple. While a higher power is mentioned, the primary purpose of AA isn’t to worship God, the Primary Purpose Of AA is getting and maintaining sobriety.
Anyway these are my thoughts tonight….not sure why, they were just somethings I was thinking about tonight. My mind even after all these years is still that of an alcoholic mind. I act, believe, and feel based on distorted perceptions of myself and the world around me. I live with extremes of all or nothing. There is no moderation, no middle ground, no compromise, and no gray area in my world. I live in denial of my destructiveness (self and others), thus distorting what I am able to make sense of. The best part, even though I still think this way I am no longer in these thoughts for very long. I have as I say, “I have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body.” BB There Is A Solution, p.20