Well, I Did It again. Which proves to me a few things. First, I am still human, I’m still progress not perfection, my “isms” are working on me and probably the most important – I am an alcoholic, albeit, recovered, my disease is the one and only real constant in my life. It sits there, sometimes does some pushups, but it grows stronger daily. So I must remain vigilant and stay stronger.
Thank goodness I can recognize my defects of character when they poo up. Sometimes that are subtle but lately not so much. Today was an example of that. My partner has been out of work for months. First hospital, then broken wrist, then needed to update her med card. She is a professional driver, needs a med card. Well ok, went for the required sleep study (uses a Cpap machine) and got results today. So now she has to go to Sleep Dr for consult and as to whether or not she will receive a med card for the year. She only has a couple years until retirement. It’s one thing after another….mind you I have my own personal issue I’m dealing with too….
To make the rest of the long story short, I lost it….my temper. Said some things. I reacted poorly. I wasn’t angry at her, but frustrated. I caught myself and removed myself from the situation. I was taught to always have a way out. So I went out of the house, still streaming,taking to myself (out loud) and grabbed my weeding tool and weeded my Amaryllis garden. Been talking about doing it for days but was also procrastinating. Well the garden for weeded, I prayed off and on through our the process and holy cow….it works. I knew it would!! Always has!! Finished the garden, went in chatted with partner, made my amends, went to the pool, came home, have my honey a card…got it yesterday and felt much better. Moving on…
It is truly amazing what tools AA has given me. Have to remember though, if I don’t pick them up and use them, then my I have to remember there are consequences…and more importantly…MISERY IS OPTIONAL!!!