I know I am growing. How do I know this? Well first I am not the same selfish self-centered person I was. I have learned to Let Go. Letting Go has helped me to grow by not living in the past (especially dwelling in the past). I have learned to put my faith and trust in a Higher Power and step into the UNKNOWN and the next Unknown, and the next and the next… It doesn’t mean I am not afraid it means I believe I will be all right no matter what comes into my life at any given moment. That is how I recognize that I am growing.
I take risks that I never, ever would before. I feel OK when I hear something that is disturbing to me. An example of this is that I had a medical test done recently. A procedure that I do every year. Well, for the first time ever, it came back with some abnormalities. I know I am not who I used to be by the way I reacted. I was angry at first, then ok, then not ok, then, well you get it. So I knew what I had to do – PRAY. I did and I felt better. Set up the next test and I will see where I am after that. This is the FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN to me.
It is ok, I know it is because I am not alone and I have faith that it will be the way God intends it to be, good, bad or indifferent. It is in His hands and I will accept whatever is in the future for me. It is all about Growth!! We go through these things…they are not tests that are imposed on us, it is just Life. And, besides what makes me any better than anyone else that I may not have to go through some of Life’s curves.
Risking the known is to actually LET GO. I have to LET GO of what previous version of me, the one that has become too comfortable, allow myself to feel the fears and anxiety (lack of trust) that come up in letting go while moving into the unknown leading me to grow.
I hope that this makes sense I am a little off tonight. But feeling much better as I share my day and thoughts, fears, anxieties and how I get through these feelings/emotions without drinking – One Day At A Time. I can not and will not make that an escape route for me ever again. Not an option any more. Thank you AA and God.
God forgive me where I have been resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid today. Help me to not keep anything to myself but to discuss it all openly with another person – show me where I owe an apology and help me make it. Help me to be kind and loving to all people. Use me in the mainstream of life God. Remove worry, remorse or morbid (sick) reflections that I may be of usefulness to others. AMEN
(p. 86 BB)