Driven

August 6

Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.                                                                                   ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62

My selfishness was the driving force behind my drinking. I drank to celebrate success and I drank to drown my sorrows. Humility is the answer. I learn to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. My sponsor tells me that service keeps me sober. Today I ask myself: Have I sought knowledge of God’s will for me? Have I done service for my A.A. group?

Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Inc.. Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Locations 1594-1598). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

I was always afraid. As I child if I could not do it well, it wasn’t going to get done. Everyone thought oh Joanne is so shy. Truth be told, I was scared to death of people, places and things. I would not offer to speak to any one, if they spoke to me I would speak back but that’s it. As I got older and carried the same pattern into my adult life I began to be seen as a snob. I was far from being a snob. I was a scardy cat. I was also afraid places. Anything unfamiliar to me was nerve-racking. And change, forget it! I am a creature of habit, I think we all are. I like routine. So without knowing I stepped on a lot of toes through my fears which manifested themselves in so many forms.

I drank as mentioned above to celebrate my success and to drown my sorrows…so what other reasons was there. I was very selfish and self-centered, I didn’t know that I was taught that n AA. I had to get humble and accept help, humility was the answer. I learned to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him. And, then I had to give back what was freely given to me. Service will keep me and has kept me sober. I have continued to seek Gods will for me. Having been taught in my earlier years that His will for me is to not drink, go to meeting and help other alcoholics stay sober. However in the years I have broadened that to help others in any way I can. I did plenty of service for my AA group. I wasn’t allowed to just go to meetings, get a cup of coffee, listen to what was said, get up and leave. I had to go early, stay late: make coffee, set up and clean up: talk to newcomers: talk to old timers and anyone in between: lead meetings: speak at meeting….so yes, I have done all that in the past, and if I belonged to AA group today I’d be doing the same things. Now I do it in other places….

Thought for the Day

Psychologists are turning to religion because just knowing about ourselves is not enough. A man needs the added dynamic of faith in a power outside of himself, on which he can rely. Books on psychology and psychiatric treatments are not enough, without the strength that comes from faith in God. And ministers and priests are turning to psychology because faith is an act of the mind and will. Religion must be presented in psychological terms to some extent in order to satisfy the modern man. Faith must be built largely on our own psychological experience. Have I taken what I need from both psychology and religion when I live the A.A. way? 

My Thought… I think I have taken what I need from both psychology and religion living the AA way. I fact I don’t know the difference whether I did or not. I am living the way I was taught and I have to believe the “Old Timers” in AA have taught me how to live my life based on their experiences. I also think I mentioned in another earlier blog that I did what they did to get what they got…and that whatever my psychological state may have been or becomes I have to remember that there are plenty of people that have experienced it long before me and if I remain teachable and humble I will stay well by taking their guidance and direction when needed.

Meditation for the Day

Refilling with the spirit is something you need every day. For this refilling with the spirit, you need these times of quiet communion, away, alone, without noise, without activity. You need this dwelling apart, this shutting yourself away in the very secret place of your being, away alone with your Maker. From these times of communion you come forth with new power. This refilling is the best preparation for effective work. When you are spiritually filled, there is no work too hard for you.

My Meditation…I refill my spirit every single day. Honestly I do not get on my knees and pray any more, I can’t get up. But I do pray shortly after I open my eyes. Then I try to remain calm and quiet before starting the day. I tis easer now, I don’t have kids or work to get going to. But I do have pets and they sometimes have to have their needs met before I can meditate. When I am filled spiritually I can accomplish anything, this has been proven to me over and over again. Not that I am not afraid, but I am never alone!!

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be daily refilled with the right spirit. I pray that I may be full of the joy of true living.

My Prayer…I say the prayers as written. Have said this in the past…I do not have to understand them or analyze pray to reap a benefit from them. Just one more thing I was told to do and I do it. Prayer releases me from myself.

Anonymous. Twenty-Four Hours A Day (p. 88- 89). Martino Fine Books. Kindle Edition.

 

 

 

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